I am spending my child support on dildos
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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