I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
