roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
