Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
3pm strippers are depressing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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