Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
