just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
