First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
