How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
