if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've blown a few things in my day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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