it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
