I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
