i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
