so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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