I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
