i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
