I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
