You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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