i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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