I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
