who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
