she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
