My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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