that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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