I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
