thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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