Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
