sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
