Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
