So drunk its hurt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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