feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
