kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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