Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the condom got lost in my hair
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
