this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
