im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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