I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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