What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Two words: nipple clamps
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