they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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