I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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