Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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