I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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