Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
