Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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