i already hear my dad disowning me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
