And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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