my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
