Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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