I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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