I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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