You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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