I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
