I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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