I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
