Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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