i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
