I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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