the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
