How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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