Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize