What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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