just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
