Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Alive.
So much puke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
