I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
