So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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