Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
