my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
