Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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