Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
