Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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