hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
